AA Post

A story that really affected me in a profound way and something that I think of pretty often is one of the stories behind the beginning of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is an organization that I find heroic and miraculous.  It is a story about part of the experience of Bill W., who had terrible problems as an alcoholic, and who one day reportedly said, "If there is a God, let him show himself."  And soon after that, Bill W started Alcoholics Anonymous, which has helped thousands of people overcome addiction and find support during tragic suffering.  People in the group rely on their "Higher Power," and while many people take a conspicuously great effort to point out that Alcoholics Anonymous is not the church, it seems pretty obvious that God himself has intervened continuously through AA from the very beginning.

    That utterance or something like a prayer that is so out of bounds for most people is so amazing to me, and the story inspires me, because it seems just like God to answer just that kind of "prayer," and maybe even to wait for that kind of request that so much reflects the desperation of someone suffering from alcohol addiction.  I could go on and on about it and I am tempted to just translate all my prayers into that format.  Like... if God wants me to do my impossible chores, let him show himself.  And if God wants me to stop cursing at people, let him show himself. 

    But this blog post is about something entirely different, and it is a topic where I really have decided that I might adopt that Bill W prayer mindset about something that has been driving me crazy quite literally for many years.  It has to do with Presbyterian Theology, and how much I do and don't believe it, and what exactly I am supposed to take into the world as a mission when I can't quite be certain of almost everything anyone has ever said to me. 

    I said in another post that I have some Catholic leanings, and some of that is from wanting to believe that there is a more specific application of an all inclusive mercy and justice for people and an ongoing opportunity for anyone to know God personally instead of an all or nothing theology test where if you pray a certain prayer then you escape eternal torture.  I change my mind a lot and actually have learned to just keep myself from obsessing about it and try to be productive in other ways, but I can't quite ever fully escape the ideas I have been taught, and the belief that it must be resolved and might even be the only thing that matters for anyone. Even as I say that, it sounds so absurd, and yet many books in the New Testament support some of that teaching, along with the idea that everything has been predetermined with a good God behind everything that happens. I do find myself thinking that people are pretty stupid to try to do everything good except ask God for Christ's forgiveness.  I mean, how insulting to someone who died to save people from their sins.
    But I still waver all the time and thought recently that I might be able to find some temporary peace and another segment of time where I can keep living life without all the answers if I officially shrug off the burden of being responsible for everyone else, and if I shrug off the pressure of having to believe something that I can't go that long of a time believing.  I think that Bill W's prayer could be the key, and I could just say even after all the revelation from church and time, if the Presbyterians were ever right, let God be the one to say it, and let the Protestant theology show itself. God can make the sky plaid if he wants, or drop a stone tablet on my head that has the Westminster Confession carved into it, or drop stone tablets on the people who are mean to me at the grocery store, or send an alcoholic missionary to help me decide that I do not have to be the one to save everyone.

Disclaimer

I feel like writing a little disclaimer on this blog, because I have recently ventured into theological territory that really does matter for people and can be controversial not in a random political conversation way but in a way where I really don't want to mislead people about stuff that can affect their whole lives. So my disclaimer is to say that I really think some sermons and ideas from the Bible are medicine for people's souls, but that this blog is really more like food and not medicine.  It is a leftover squash casserole from Thanksgiving, and not a potent dose of healing medicine which people might really get from a church with people who have not had as many thoughts so muddled by entire bookstores of other ideas and conversations with people who believe other stuff and who I wanted to like me.  I called this blog the Worldly Monk Theology Blog because my life is a mix of very strict religious loyalty and prayer but also a very liberal participation in a messy world and a filthy, lost, abused and abusive culture.

The Twelve Doofuses

Sometimes when the disciples of Christ messed up in the Bible, Jesus would say stuff like "Are you still so dull?" and the equivalent of "How can you be so stupid?" and I think a lot of people see it and find it to be a surprisingly gruff manner from someone who would eventually forgive people while being tortured on a cross.  In fact, I even read a book where an important theologian practically called Jesus a jerk for talking to people that way.  But we know that he wasn't a jerk, so what does it all mean?  Well I had an idea yesterday while imagining myself helping people not miss out on Christianity which is that his emphatic rebukes to people who were already so rich as to be in the company of Christ himself and have since then inherited an eternal honor almost beyond comprehension is that one of the reasons he was tough on people is because the stakes were so high and there was a great reward that he did not want them to miss out on.  And it is an indication to everyone, including people now, that we should not be stupid and constantly promote our own greatness in a way that makes us miss out on greater glory and love. I also think that it is an example of how to live, much in the same way that all his kinder words were, and that when we think things like, "Why would anyone do drugs instead of working?" or "How can people be so stupid to think all the planets just appeared out of nowhere and all the animals invented themselves through mutation?" that there may be some occasions where this exasperation should be expressed in full.  And that the main goal is not our own vain desires to be known as people who are generally right about everything, but that there is some blessing available that we would not want anyone to miss out on, especially if we have any influence over them, even as persecuted people who don't have the greatest media power.

With a Vengeance

    Ok everyone, I thought of a theological question that I think is one of my most interesting wonderings.  You know how people always say that one of the reasons to forgive and not seek retaliation about things is because God says "Vengeance is mine. I will repay."  People quote that a lot and sometimes use it to encourage people not to seek some kind of justice or revenge, and people make it sound like those are the same things.  But yesterday I was thinking about it and don't people also spend their whole lives trying to be "Godly" and do everything according to how God himself would do it?  That is the idea of following Jesus Christ, and of being "imitators of God."  So my question is this: wouldn't that mean sometimes saying "Vengeance is mine, I will repay?"  I just know everyone is saying, "Of course not," but isn't the real answer "Of Course?" I am genuinely wondering because I definitely in recent years have found more of an appreciation for people who stand up to evil and abuse and make reputation sacrifices to be the ones to say we are not going to tolerate scams and abuse. 

    I think that is really almost enough to say but it makes me pause to think about the cross again, which is such a symbol of forgiveness, but also was a deliberate act that was defended by the presence of swords in the garden of Gethsemane.  Why did the disciples have swords if it was all about letting people abuse Christ?  To me there is a case that Christ went to the cross deliberately for a lot of reasons, and there might have been more of an offensive (like basketball offense) strategy not just against evil itself but against specific evil people throughout all of history who have been and still are very defeated by the cross and by all of the believers who learn to literally fight for all kinds of salvation and freedom.