You know what is a section in the Bible that confuses me a
little bit? It is the part where Jesus
tells people about a guy who was proudly thanking God for not being as bad as
other people, and then told about a guy who publicly said "Lord have mercy
on me, a sinner," or something like that. Then Jesus says that God prefers
the humility of the groveling sinner. I
found that verse comforting during my worst depression where I felt so horrible
and guilty all the time, but I often want to thank God for all the horrible
things that have not happened in my life, and it confuses me a little bit that maybe
we aren't supposed to. Like maybe we aren't supposed to thank God for not being
one of those bad Isis people or a child abuser or something like that. I think the idea is that we don't know all
the consequences of our every day behavior and the loss of the good we haven't
done but could have. But I am thankful
that I have not done worse things than I have, and especially as someone with
mental illness and anger problems, I don't take it for granted that there are a
lot of crimes I have not committed. So I
have kind of decided that I will go ahead and thank God for all the ways that
things could have been worse for me, including the category of my own behavior,
and maybe if I thank him too much every time there is a shooting that I didn't
do, then I will eventually feel so bad about my pride that I will say more
things like "Lord have mercy on me, a sinner."
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