Ok everyone I have been reflecting on my faith experiences and remembering finally understanding the main thing I was tripping over about forgiveness of sins. Basically in my mind when I thought of Jesus on the cross, I could only see the crucifixion and not the atonement. So I could believe that the crucifixion happened for my sake, but I did not see the atonement that was also happening on the cross, which had to do with Jesus pleasing God on our behalf. The thing that was happening more than Jesus dying for me was that Jesus was pleasing God for me. So I could even take the cross out of it for a while and think okay, I was supposed to feed five thousand people and I only fed 287. But Jesus fed 5000 so things will be fine. God will say how many people did you feed. I will say 287. God will say, that is fine.
I can see how people could then say, no, it was also his death. he had to die and it was both his life and death. And i agree, but I think it is a trap for people to accidentally put their faith and trust in Roman execution. That is really a problem that I think is more common than people know, and to try to live by it causes a crucifixion experience instead of a happy life pleasing God. But in heaven all of it will probably eventually turn to life and atonement for anyone who asks or believes at any time.
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