The miracle of suffering

   I have realized sometimes that my survival in life has been somewhat miraculous, and have even had to think about whether there can be such things as twenty year miracles.  I mean in the Bible some of the miracles just took a few minutes and then people enjoyed their health.  But when you have a chronic condition and survival really isn't a given, finding yourself to be alive after twenty years of daily suicidal ideation or some other dangerous symptom is really cause for thankfulness and reason to be certain that God has helped you.

  But that is not what this post is about.  This post is about something else that I don't always think about and will probably immediately retract next time I feel awful.  This post is a reflection about what might also be a great miracle, which is the suffering itself.

   I am only speaking for myself, though other people might have similar stories.  There are mysterious reasons for suffering, and there are benefits that affect other people and can do things like help people know God better or have more compassion.  For me personally, I think that some of my suffering has helped me with some of my hypocritical tendencies, and I think that some of the extreme humiliation I have experienced has some kind of value as a Christian witness.  Most importantly, I feel securely able to pray to God as much as I want and have gotten to know him better.  There are probably other benefits, too. But even that is still not exactly what I am saying is a miracle.

   What I am really saying is that it is a miracle that someone like me could suffer at all. I just grew up in a great environment with awesome friends and cash for great grocery stores, and parents who cared and provided for me, but who weren't necessarily eager to support me as some kind of life-risking Christian missionary.  When you have blessings and resources like I had, which included getting to go to college and having a lot of opportunities and good health, then it really usually is morally questionable to just waste that stuff for suffering's sake. I wouldn't be allowed to go to some dangerous place to live for a worthy cause, and it would be an intolerable offense to try to replicate those conditions in my own life, so what are my options? Well good service and giving for other people are great options.  They really are and I will always tell people who feel happy and well to make the most of their blessings and don't underestimate what people can accomplish by helping others and being honest and good.  
   But for me, I was interested in some of the more extreme messages about the cross of Christ, and it seemed like that kind of adventure might have been intended for other people. However, I think that is not what happened. I have had a great opportunity to feel worn out, to forgive, to show up and be a part of other people's lives despite pain, and, well, to wish I was dead for years at a time. And how stupid to call that a miracle, but how stupid not to, because God has been good to me, and though I deserved to be treated better in life, I got better than what I deserved.