Well hi everyone this is the third of four worldly monk posts, which precede one of my favorite posts.  In this post I am just reporting a fact of my life to be considered biographically which is that a long time ago I thought about that verse in the bible that says “Guard your heart because it is the well spring of life,” and I decided not to.  I felt it was selfish for people to keep their hearts too safe and I think I even told God that I felt I should instead really put it out there as a sacrifice.  That kind of sounds like reporting a good deed for bragging purposes, but I actually at this moment am really wondering if I did do something kind of stupid and the best we can all hope for is to learn from it.

In a way I think God’s plan happened in my life and he worked with me very faithfully and I should be thankful.  But in another way, you can see how my mind and heart actually were shredded and I have now had over 1400 therapy appointments to repair damage from mistreatment that targeted my soul. And I have been hospitalized ten times for mental illness, I see visions of demons and hell, I have been possessed for a few seconds and felt my tongue snarl at a friend, I watched my family be tortured as my life fell apart for the third time, and I have several lost careers and now disability. Not to mention neurological injury and jealousy spells that hurt an organ and now impair my walking ability because of internal damage to the basal ganglia part of the brain.

So that is neat, I just thought I would report it.  Maybe my “heart” was in the right place, ha ha, or maybe I threw it away.  I do not know, but it is interesting if God took me up on it for any reason, especially if it is to tell a large audience what not to do.